Why Forgiveness Matters: A Christian Perspective on Healing and Freedom

Forgiveness. In today's society that word is becoming almost a forbidden word, a sign of weakness. We have been believing the lie that forgiving those who wrong us is allowing them to continue to hurt us or that what they did was right. But forgiveness is more than that.

As Christians, unforgiveness - as hard as it may sound - is an act of disobedience. In Matthew 18, Jesus was telling the parable of the unforgiving debtor. Here, in verse 22, He said we need to forgive seventy times seven, which means "forgive without limits". I know it hurts reading this, especially when all we hear around us is to do the opposite. Because it "makes sense" in this world. However, let's explore what unforgiveness does to us.

The effects of unforgiveness

Unforgiveness is not just a sin, it is like drinking the poison you meant for the one who hurt you. Let's explore the effects of unforgiveness in our live.

Unforgiveness holds you captive in the past

When you hold unforgiveness, the image plays in your head over and over, stirring up all those feelings from that moment. You're stuck in the past, unable to move forward in life because if you don't forgive, you won't forget. The pain remains alive, preventing wounds to be fully open. The pain reminds you constantly of what was done to you, like throwing salt in the wound. This causes you to accumulate anger, which leads to bitterness.

Unforgiveness Leads to Bitterness

As you continue to replay memories without forgiving what was done to you, bitterness will creep in. And bitterness can shape your thoughts and feelings. It is like an infection that will affect your life and those around you. You start getting sarcastic and condemning, even with those who had nothing to do with what was done to you. Your thoughts and how you view the world becomes distorted.

Anger starts taking over your daily life, affecting other emotions - you get snappy at your kids, road rage, etc. You get so out of control that the person who wronged you sneaks into all your conversations as you slander against them. Slowly, you become someone you don't even recognize.

Unforgiveness opens a door to the enemy

As Christians, we know the spiritual realm is very real. And it is not just heavenly beings. We're talking about the enemy and its minions. Calling it by its proper name, Satan and his demons and evil spirits are also very real. And when we sin, we are basically giving him an open door to come in to steal, kill and destroy (Matthew 10:10) our life. When you are bitter and have an unforgiving spirit, you are giving Satan legal rights over that part of your life.

See, unforgiveness is usually the first open door you give to the enemy to enter. Once he is in, he will invite more demons to continue messing up other areas. Like I said before, bitterness is like an infection - one that kills you slowly and painfully as you see your life crumble. And that is what the enemy wants.

Unforgiveness will limit your relationship with God

Unforgiveness will seriously impact our relationship with the Lord. First, because you are committing sin by not obeying the command to forgive others. Second, because once you allow the enemy to enter your life, he will try his hardest to keep you away from God.

Sin separates us from the Father. Don't get me wrong - if you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, you are saved. When I say that sin separates you from the Father is because it becomes like a muffled connection. And it makes it harder to hear His voice through all the static. Getting close to Him and reading His word will transform you; renew your mind. But with all that bitterness and pain, it is kind of hard to focus, right?

Also, the enemy will try his hardest to keep you away from the Father. He can make it hard to pray, to concentrate when you read the Word, to make you super busy so that you are too tired to meet with God or read the Bible... so many strategies I can count from experience I can write a book about it!

Why Should I Forgive?

Glad you ask! I know that in all that pain, it is hard to make that decision. Like really hard! But what if I told you forgiveness leads to freedom? Forgiving releases us from any bondage, it takes away all the bitterness and allows the Holy Spirit to transform us. Bitterness is replaced by love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. And we grow closer to the Father.

I am going to be very vulnerable in this post with the purpose of giving you hope.

January 8, 2023. I had reached a point in my marriage where I just wanted out. Long story short: throughout my marriage I felt abandoned, unseen, like I was more of a nuisance than a wife, an object... I can go on but I think you get the picture. It was at this moment that I wanted out. I saw how our relationship was at the point where it was affecting our kids. So I asked God to let me divorce him. I prayed and fasted. And waited patiently until a prophetic prayer session I had scheduled at my church. The day came and I was sure He was going to tell me "go ahead!". Well, this is what I heard that day: "The Lord is speaking about about bitterness, or past things or healing. Speak healing over your life, over those areas. And believe them. And there was one thing specifically that I believe he wants you to say and actually really believe this. Repeat this and believe it: “ I have no bitterness in my heart. I am the righteousness of God.”

I cried so hard that day because I knew He was right. I was so bitter that I didn't recognized myself. All my conversations were about how my husband had hurt me so much. I even hurt my kids because I didn't even notice they could hear what I was saying about their dad. I was floored! So I obeyed. And not only did He healed me, He walked with me all the way through. He has never left my side and now I can see my husband with new eyes. The Lord showed me through all the suffering how forgiveness changes us. And through my obedience, He changed me and my husband. And forgiving my husband led to a streak of forgiving others. I no longer hold unforgiveness towards anyone. And I pray for those who wrong me. Even noticed I am not as quick to feel offended as I was before!

The Road to Forgiveness

I came across a devotional called Daily in Christ from Neil T. Anderson. The devotional for one of the days was called "The Process of Forgiveness". This has helped me a lot understanding forgiveness and the freedom we experience through it. In it, Neil T. Anderson gives 12 simple steps you can use to walk through the process of forgiving someone who hurt you in the past. I suggest grabbing pen and paper to write down what the Lord reveals to you.

1.  Ask the Lord to reveal the names of the persons who offended you and the specific wrongs you suffered.

2.  Face the hurt and the hate.  If you are going to forgive from your heart, you must let God search the depths of your heart.

3.  Acknowledge the significance of the cross.  It is the cross of Christ that makes forgiveness legally and morally right. 

4.  Decide that you will not retaliate by using the information about the offender's sin against them. (Luke 6:27-34)

5.  Decide to forgive.  Forgiveness is a conscious choice to let the other person off the hook and free yourself from the past.

6.  Take your list of names to God and pray the following: “I forgive [name of the person] for [specifically identify every remembered pain].”

7.  Destroy the list.  You are now free.  Don't tell the offenders what you have done.  Your forgiveness is between you and God unless the offenders have asked you for forgiveness.

8.  Do not expect that your decision to forgive will result in major changes in the other persons.  Instead, pray for them.  (Matthew 5:44)

9.  Try to understand the people you have forgiven.  They are victims also.

10.  Freedom is a result of forgiveness in you.  In time you will be able to think about the people who offended you without feeling hurt or anger.

11.  Thank God for the lessons you have learned and the maturity you have gained.

12.  When appropriate, accept your part of the blame for the offences you suffered.  Confess your failure to God and to others (1 John 1:9) and realize that if someone has something against you, you must for to that person (Matthew 5:23-26).

    
    

When you are done following the steps, pray something like this: Lord, teach me how to love unconditionally and forgive quickly those who hate me, curse me or mistreat me.  In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

I created a worksheet that you can use as well. Link is below.

The Road to Forgiveness.pdf

Download PDF • 2.70MB

If you need help navigating through this process, you don't have to do it alone. Reach out to a leader at your church. I am also a Christian life coach that can guide you through this process. You can schedule a free discovery call with me today. I am here to help you!